bullshit. that’s all i can say, really.
Here’s the thing. Bakit ba kasi gusto parin kita after all this time lol kadiri pero totoo nakakaiyak din minsan hahaha
The past months have gone by so quickly that I haven’t even had the chance to pause for a while and let everything sink in. Most of the time I think I’m on auto-pilot, because everyday just passes by and at night I just stare at the wall, like, “wait, what just happened?” and if you ask me what happened in the past month, I’d probably punch you in the face. It’s always been this way, I think, but it’s even worse now, given the fact that I don’t blog anymore and that I can actually say that I’m focusing on school (two months of being missing in action on Tumblr! I mean what?). I know it’s supposed to be the other way around, that being MIA will actually give me the power to focus on my life more, but that just doesn’t work for me. Tumblr makes me remember things, and I know this sounds weird, but Tumblr actually keeps me on track. It keeps me anchored—whatever that means. Or maybe that’s just me. I don’t even know. I don’t know how to make a proper blog post anymore (and by now I’m probably just rambling, I’m so sorry!) and I can’t even figure out a way to organize my thoughts! I mean, they’re all over the place! School has taken over me. If Jesse from Pitch Perfect saw me in this state, he’d be all, “damn, school changed you.”
With everything being such a blur, and me not remembering anything at all, I think I need to provide myself a physical calendar. I never had one, as I was never too keen on providing details for each day, but I think it’s about time I changed some things around. It’s my last year in high school. I wouldn’t want to let that go to waste, now, would I?
Speaking of calendars, it’s finally August, and I’m finally turning fifteen! I don’t know, but there’s just something special about August that makes me very giddy (it’s probably just because it’s my birthday month, but whatever). Personally, I don’t think birthdays are meant to be for when people wake up and feel like a grown up. I think they’re for you to feel on top of the world, or something like that. So that’s good. The thing I absolutely love about birthday months is that you feel safe and warm because you feel like nothing could go wrong, like when it’s raining and you’re tucked in your bed reading your favorite book with your favorite cup of hot chocolate by your side. You feel… cozy, like when you mom kisses you good night and tells you she loves you, and suddenly nothing else matters but you and that moment. That’s what I love the most.
Well, aside from being finished with the first quarterly exams, and starting This month on a perfect note, that’s it, I guess. I’m not sure. Like I said, I hardly remember much of anything. If anything comes up, I’ll let you know. I can’t wait to see what August has in store for me. Happy Sunday. x
The 19th of June might or might not be as important to you as it is to me. Some might think of it as nothing special; that it’s just another day to cross out from their calendars. I picture students coming home from a long, long day of endless talk about x and y which do not make any sense at all. I see an myriad of homework waiting to be touched, but will get left behind because there are far more sensible things to take care of (and by sensible things, I mean nothing. None. Nada.) I see myself being a part of this crowd. And I am. Except for one minor, teeny-weeny-not-big-of-a-deal kind of detail.
I have a blog. And today, June 19th, marks this blog’s first birthday.
These days, mostly, consist of two things and two things only: trying to be productive but failing miserably.
Aside from being a complete zombie and sleeping in throughout the whole day, I’ve been writing in this notebook. Most of what’s inside are sad, sad things, for when I feel like a complete and utter mess that I just can’t help but write. I write down all the negativity in it, only to completely forget ever even feeling that way. We are too often slaves to our feelings, so I try my hardest not to let them control me. Although I must say that the feelings still come, mostly when I least expect them to. Like sunsets, the feelings are too fleeting, and like sunsets, they come back too soon. By now I probably should be used to it. But I’m not, and I probably never will. Also, what am I thinking? Sunsets are beautiful; I shouldn’t compare them to things such as my fucked-up feelings.